Kellyable

“...It’s hard writing something like this again, but it seems that the world is going backwards. When the threat of this virus was taken a bit more seriously, we all went into lockdown. When summertime came, everything seemed better, promising. However, that hope was short lived. I don’t know if the government is to blame, if society as a whole is to blame, or if it is everyone’s fault, but more and more cases appeared here and the daily death rate has been on an all-time high. The government doesn’t want to shut everything down again. They say our economy can’t take it. Instead they impose measures that make no sense and that hurt small businesses... I don’t get it. The way things are going, I can imagine being home again, doing almost nothing, missing everyone I care about. I’m scared for my parents, I’m scared of losing the job I got in the summer and that I love, I’m scared of being away from my loved ones again. I’m just scared, and sad and angry...”     This ...

In the summer of 2018, I decided I wanted to change my life and I started a diet, accompanied by a professional. By the beginning of 2019 I had lost ~20Kg (~44 lbs) and I was close to my goal but I started letting go. Slowly but surely, I started gaining every single bit that I lost and I am completely aware that even though most of it is my fault, 2019 was a year of much anxiety for me, because of my thesis and constantly having to meet deadlines. But I think that’s an excuse. I’m back to square one, but I am optimistic ! I feel mentally right, I feel the moment is right and I am ready to start again! Yesterday was my first day back on track and I ate so, so well! I got back into my experimental healthy cooking and I am having the best time thinking about what to do next. I’m starting to think I have a REAL passion for cooking and not just eating... The hardest part about the first week (maybe first 2 weeks) is cutting off the sugar , because sugar is a drug . I like to cut things...

Yesterday, it was the last day of the Emergency State here in Portugal. Starting today, small businesses are starting to open, of course they have to operate according to security norms but still, this is the first step towards going back to normal. Whatever normal is now. Personally, I’m afraid. I’m afraid that people will want more and more, and that they’ll take this decision as a sign of “Oh, we can do whatever we want again.”, which is not true. And if this mentality remains, numbers will start going up again and the government will impose the Emergency State again. So, since no one wants to go backwards I can only hope that everyone remains focused on the greater good. The more we protect ourselves and each other, the more we follow the norms while they’re needed, the faster we’ll get over this. On another note, lately I’ve been feeling really anxious (the kind of anxious that takes all inspiration and motivation away). I’ve been struggling to sleep, my mind is at maximu...

I got my much-needed break and now I am back with a clear mind, a headset and many ideas! I can not stress enough how important it was for me to take a bit of a break from technology. If you’ve never tried it before, be sure to try it whenever you can. I’m renewed. Anyways, lately I’ve been getting the opportunity to meet and chat with many different people online and a question that I usually get is: “Why aren’t you working in something on your field?”. For me, that question is not hard to answer, now. But if my life had been different these last past months, I can imagine that this could be an anxiety inducing question. I’ll explain. I have a degree in Biology and a master’s in Forensic Genetics and, as you know, I love learning more and more and I’m also completing my “Introduction to Cancer Biology” course . So, it is normal that people get interested in all of those things and want to know what I do. But, so far, I haven’t had luck in finding a job in my field. ...

Today I felt kind of anxious and stressed. I don’t remember any reason in particular for it. Stress was considered by the World Health Organization (WHO) the health epidemic of this century. They define it as a real, or perceived, unbalance between a circumstances’ demand and the ability of adaptation of the person. Weather we like it or not, stress is a part of our lives and if on the one hand it can be useful as it makes us take action, on the other hand it can physically and mentally impair us. How to deal with stress The times of nail biting and hair pulling are over! Check out 5 ways of dealing with stress: 1.     Writing – No, journaling is not just for hormonal teenagers. Writing is a personal and safe way to release all the feelings and thoughts that haunt you throughout the day. I’ve went into a bit more detail about it, here . 2.     Cooking – A delicious carrot cake with chocolate frosting, some ginger cookies, a cheesec...

It’s day six of quarantine and today I was really struggling with missing my boyfriend a lot, and just missing physical contact in general. I have a very physical language sometimes and I really like hugging the people I love. Don’t know if that’s weird or not, but that’s how I act. I feel that there is something very soothing in receiving and giving hugs. Anyways, journaling was a big relief for me today. I have the habit of journaling often but today it was really necessary. I started drifting to a place where I don’t really like to go in my head where sadness turns into apathy that turns into not having the strength to do absolutely nothing for days. I hate it. So, I grabbed my notebook and I forced myself to let go of everything. Writing is my way of reflecting on my feelings. I can deconstruct my problems on my own, most of the times, to the point of starting an entry with an issue and ending it with a solution. I love that about writing. It allows my mind to flow in...

I’m in a not so good phase of my life. I’m lacking motivation, I’m anxious, uninspired and to top it all off, I gained almost all the weight that I had lost. I also feel like I have no one to talk to, since I don’t know anyone going through anything similar. I just feel like whenever I try to explain it, no one really gets it. I don’t see any progress in my life. However, something deep down pushed me to try and find some motivation or inspiration today. I read somewhere that people like me often don’t do certain things just because we don’t “feel like it”. But not feeling like doing something doesn’t actually stop us from doing it. As much as I don’t “feel like” getting up in the morning, there’s no invisible force keeping me tied up to the bed. Whatever we feel about the things we have to do doesn’t have any impact on the ability of doing them. Or, at least, that’s how it should be. I want to try and be more conscious and not let feelings control what happens in my day to d...

Sometimes in my life, everything is going well and I’m doing what I want to do, I’m sticking to my plans and my schedules… But then, something happens, or if something new is coming up I start to feel drained. It’s more than the thoughts that make me nervous (as I mentioned here ), it’s physical. I want to sleep more, I want to do less, I postpone everything I can. Sometimes, I’m even annoyed just by talking! I don’t even know how I’m writing this  right now because I really just want to curl up in bed and stay there. I always thought that I was lazy (and I am) but now that I’m analyzing myself more I feel like there’s more to it. Am I ok?

I don’t know about you, but sometimes new things scare me. Change can be scary. Be it a new school, a new job, just new surroundings make me feel a little bit of panic inside. The weeks leading up to something new, always leave me completely in my head thinking the worst thoughts: “What if I can’t get used to it?”, “What if no one likes me?” or “What if I don’t do a great job?”. I tire myself with it, I give myself anxiety, and it’s always all for nothing. In a few weeks I’m going to start the internship for my thesis in another city and I’m in my head worrying about affording the trips, getting used to a new place, thinking if I’m going to like the people there and if they’re going to like me… Just being nervous for nothing. I don’t know why my brain has the need to always try and sabotage me, but I will never let it win. I know I am a very adaptable person, I know I’m going to figure someway to get the money and I know I’m going to get along with my new colleagues (and ...