Kellyable

In September, I chose to read a book that was gifted to me by some friends in my birthday, back in July. It is Robert Bryndza’s “Cold Blood”. I’ve never heard about this author before but I decided to start reading before investigating. The book is categorized as a crime thriller and, in it, you are introduced to 2 stories. The first one is about Erika Foster, the detective we get to follow as she is confronted with the investigation of 2 brutal and shocking homicides, in London. The other story is about Nina Hargreaves, a young and innocent girl who falls in love with the wrong guy, a mysterious and dangerous man, Max Kirkham. In the cover of the book it reads “She fell in love with a killer, now she’s one too.”. So, you can imagine what happens, right? Young naïve girl, falls in love with a manipulative killer and turns into someone like him? Partly, yes, but this story is so much more than that! Due to the violent nature of our killer and the way Nina still follows him w

Here we are, one month after the start of my journey and I have lot to tell you! Starting with my physical progress , I’ve lost 16.5 lbs in total, ~ 4 inches in my chest, waist and hips, and ~ 6 inches in my stomach. It’s amazing and I need to add that, so far, I haven’t done any exercise at all. But I will! I am nowhere near my goal weight but I have to say that I feel amazing ! I’ve always heard that it takes 21 days to make a habit out of something, but I’ve never had the will to keep up good, healthy habits for so long, until now. Because I can’t eat my feelings now, I had to learn how to deal with them, so I feel more emotionally stable .   This might be a bit tmi (too much information) but I think that it is very important: I used to have a lot of gas and horrible gas pains for so long that I got used to them, and I thought that I would always have to live with them. After completely cutting sugar off my diet it was all gone! No more pain, no more being uncomfor

I recently joined Reddit and, so far, I really enjoy the way people can share ideas and have discussions so easily. However, here and there, you see a post that leaves you wandering what’s wrong with humanity. Today I was browsing through the “New” posts and I found one with the title “I cheat on my boyfriend because the sex is boring”. I couldn’t help myself and I facepalmed. I opened the post and, as you can imagine, this person’s story was ridiculous and she had no regrets nor any intention to stop. To me, it was disgusting, but then it got me thinking about that old saying: “Once a cheater, always a cheater”. Is it true? I cheated once. I was 17, dating a guy 5 years older than me, for 3 years and it was the most toxic relationship anyone could ever imagine. It was never physical, but psychologically it was horrible. But at that age, I didn’t know better and I thought that that was love. One day, another guy came into the picture and started treating me very different

“You promise to stay in touch with people, but it doesn’t work out. It never does.” Whoever said this never made real friends, geez… When I was in middle-school and high-school the phrase “Lets keep in touch and make plans for the summer!” was a must at the end of the year. Of course, as expected, there were never any plans and no one kept in touch. Or almost no one. Now that I find myself looking back, I always had a group of friends in school (it would change every year, but still) and we were inseparable… in school only. When it was time to come home on vacations or holidays we wouldn’t do stuff together, we wouldn’t even talk! And now I realize that I wasn’t even into most of those “friends”. It’s strange how your brain forces you into that group mentality in school. As if you are “weaker” if you’re not in a “pack ”. There are only 2 exceptions in my case, 2 girls that I’ve kept around through thick and thin. One I’ve known since pre-school (now 16 years) and the

Last week I discovered a Youtuber called Ready to Glare and I was instantly obsessed. At some point, I stumbled across a video called “Womenwith short hair are damaged” , and in it she was commenting on an article posted in a website called Return of Kings. I was curious about what kind of website could possibly entertain such old-fashioned ideas and, boy, was I in for a treat… Before I read any of the articles, I decided to check the “About” section and this is what it says: It goes on to state the ROK’s community beliefs which include things like “A woman’s value significantly depends in her fertility and beauty.” With titles like “7 ways women are like abandoned dogs”, “Never follow a girl’s lead”, “3 ways to ‘hypnotize’ a girl into a sexually submissive trance” and “5 reasons women should be banned from working as police officers” you can quickly understand the mentality of the people who write and frequent this site… And no, it isn’t just an ignorant boy in

Sometimes in my life, everything is going well and I’m doing what I want to do, I’m sticking to my plans and my schedules… But then, something happens, or if something new is coming up I start to feel drained. It’s more than the thoughts that make me nervous (as I mentioned here ), it’s physical. I want to sleep more, I want to do less, I postpone everything I can. Sometimes, I’m even annoyed just by talking! I don’t even know how I’m writing this  right now because I really just want to curl up in bed and stay there. I always thought that I was lazy (and I am) but now that I’m analyzing myself more I feel like there’s more to it. Am I ok?

It’s interesting they way that women like to put other women down. I’d be a hypocrite and a liar if I said I was always about girl power, because I wasn’t. I’m sure we’ve all been guilty of looking at a girl or woman on TV and saying “Ugh, she’s ugly” or “Ugh, she’s so fat”, or maybe seeing someone on the street wearing something we wouldn’t necessarily wear and going “She looks crazy, what is she doing? Doesn’t she have a mirror at home?”. Growing up and understanding how we’re not equal to man (not in the workplace, not in paychecks, and don’t even get me started on how they’re called players and we’re called whores…) made me realize that we should be teaming up and giving each other the confidence, the self-esteem we need to be our better selves and do anything we want to. So now, when I see a girl on TV I say “You go girl! Make that money!”. When I see a woman on the street feeling like a million bucks in her skin and in her clothes, I say “You go girl! Slay that runway!”

I don’t know about you, but sometimes new things scare me. Change can be scary. Be it a new school, a new job, just new surroundings make me feel a little bit of panic inside. The weeks leading up to something new, always leave me completely in my head thinking the worst thoughts: “What if I can’t get used to it?”, “What if no one likes me?” or “What if I don’t do a great job?”. I tire myself with it, I give myself anxiety, and it’s always all for nothing. In a few weeks I’m going to start the internship for my thesis in another city and I’m in my head worrying about affording the trips, getting used to a new place, thinking if I’m going to like the people there and if they’re going to like me… Just being nervous for nothing. I don’t know why my brain has the need to always try and sabotage me, but I will never let it win. I know I am a very adaptable person, I know I’m going to figure someway to get the money and I know I’m going to get along with my new colleagues (and

You know that feeling, when you’re doing something to change your life, of “if I just do it one time it won’t hurt”? For example, when you are dieting and you feel like eating something you shouldn’t and you think “one bite won’t hurt”. Yeah, you end up eating the whole thing. Never give into that feeling. Trust me when I say that the “one time” will multiply and sooner or later you’ll be back where you started, or worse. I’ve always been a big girl and I’ve tried, many times, to go on diets or working out but I failed every single time. Why? First, I wasn’t in the correct mindset needed to change, second, I had no willpower , and third, slowly but surely, I always went back to my old ways . This time I feel different about my “mission” to lose weight. I care more about my health, when I started I was physically at my worse and I feel this motivation that I’ve never had before. For the first time I don’t feel like this change is a burden, I’m enjoying trying out new food

“The problem of being the strong one is that no one offers you a hand.” No. The problem of being the strong one is that you have a hard time asking for help. Either because of pride, embarrassment, or maybe just because you think you can solve everything yourself. Sometimes, you can’t. It’s very hard for me talking about my problems and asking for help. Not because I struggle with expressing myself or because I’m ashamed or anything like that. First, I always think that if I focus enough I can figure a way to solve everything, and I usually can, but sometimes I really struggle to get there and it would be easier to just talk with someone. Second, I hate feeling like I’m disturbing people or annoying them with my problems, and even though I know my friends and my family would be more than happy to listen, that thought it my head keeps me from speaking out more. Third, I feel like I’ve been put in this world to uplift people and make them happy and laugh when they

As you may have read before, I became single this February, and that was the first time I was single in a total of about 7 years. After getting over the sadness that comes with every breakup, I felt ready and excited to see what else was out there. I wasn’t look for anything serious, to be honest, but at the same time, I wasn’t not looking, you know what I mean? So, I talked with more guys that I can count, I went on numerous dates and the outcome was exactly the same, every single time: disappointment. From shitty personalities, to full out liars, I went through them all, and after this last one ( check out the story here ) I was done. No more meaningless dating, no more pretty faces with no brains, no more one-night stands. From now on, I’m not looking anymore. Actually, the thought of even going on online dating apps, at the moment makes me want to curl up in a ball and die. I’m focusing on me, my life, my goals, my happiness and my health. I’m working on going on an i

So, yesterday, I opened up my Google newsfeed and all I saw was Pope, Pope, Pope and more Pope. You already know where I stand when it comes to religion – I know absolutely nothing about it – but I was curious and decided to see what the fuss was all about. “Take your children to the shrink if they show homosexual tendencies.”, he said. I was instantly upset upon reading this, but I kept my cool, because we all know about clickbait these days. I read the article, but in the end, I couldn’t really understand the message he was trying to convey. So, I read another article, and another, but they all said the same. I was having a bit of an interpretation crisis. Considering where the church stands (or used to stand, I’m not really sure) when it comes to homosexuality, it’s easy to assume that he meant that if you put your kids in therapy early on, you can cure their “gayness”. This is a very, very disgusting thought to me, but judging by the comments on the articles, that’s h

The first week of my new dietary regime has passed and I am very happy with the results. I’ve lost 2kg (~ 4 pounds), 2cm (~ 0.8 inches) in my chest, waist and hips and 3cm (~ 1.2 inches) in my belly. So, physically, everything is going just how it’s supposed to. Mentally, this first week was a rollercoaster . I was very bored and irritated in the first days and I couldn’t understand why, but after I managed to regain control of my moods and emotions (around the 4 th day) I realized that I was finally allowing myself to feel the emotions that I would “mask” with food before. The afternoons were the hardest part of the day because it was during that period of time that I used to eat the most, especially sugary things. So apart from dieting now I also kind of went through some serious sugar withdrawal . It’s not a good feeling at all. I could feel my body craving it and everywhere I looked, in this house, there were cookies, sodas and other sweet things. I felt very tempted but

Nowadays, living without some sort of technology seems like a difficult, perhaps even impossible, task. Televisions, smartphones, computers are now intrinsic in our live, as they make them less complicated and more comfortable. Plus, we see new creations almost every day. That’s how fast science and technology are evolving. Will technology keep evolving forever or will it come a day where it all ceases to exist? Technological Singularity , or simply Singularity , is the hypothesis that the rate of technological progress will continue to accelerate exponentially to the point of creating artificial superintelligence (ASI) that will, qualitatively, surpass all human intelligence. For the pessimists, the coming of the Singularity might signal the end of the human era , as the new superintelligence would continue to upgrade itself and advance technologically at a huge rate. I have never given any thought to this matter until recently after reading Dan Brown’s “Origin” . In th

“The best way to avoid disappointment is to not expect anything from anyone.” We’ve all been in a position where someone acted in a way that was unexpected, leaving us confused and disappointed. Maybe you found out someone you trusted had been lying to you. Maybe someone you thought had your back did not come through when you needed them to. Or maybe someone’s personality just didn’t match what you had envisioned. As someone that’s in this situation I turned to a friend from some advice and she told me that it’s best for me if I never have expectations. This way, I never get disappointed and I only get surprised by what’s actually positive. But I wonder, is having no expectations of others realistic? Since everyone feels and interacts with others in their own way, I’m only presenting my point of view here. When I’m getting to know someone new, my guard is pretty high up and even if I can be very open with that person, in reality they are pretty distant from my truest f

Christianity, Buddhism, Islamism, Atheism. Religion. I know nothing about it. Ever since I could think for myself, I thought it was “dumb”. It made no sense for me how people could believe in the unknown so blindly. However, growing up makes you see things from different perspectives . My parents are Catholics and they tried raising me as one as well, but that didn’t work. They were never very religious anyway. My idea of Catholics (almost everyone I knew), at the time I was a very opinionated teen (when I was a fervent atheist), was that they were either fanatics, old ladies that liked judging others or hypocrites that only remembered Jesus existed in Christmas or Easter and that only cared to go to church for weddings and funerals. The nerve of some priests, preaching in degraded churches while rocking Mercedes and BMWs; people hugging and kissing during mass and then talking shit in each other’s backs. It just made my skin crawl. And I won’t even talk about all the inf

This story is fresh, because it just happened last week. So, this guy messages me, he’s pretty cute so I reply. After 2 or 3 messages he gives me his number and tells me to call him. That was kind of forward to me because I hadn’t even formed an opinion about this person yet. We barely talked! But he sparked my interest, I took the bait and I called. In 30 minutes, I found out about his 2 jobs, his 2 cars, his friend that died and his sexual fantasies and adventures. And I barely got a word in… Instead of labeling this as a red flag, I accepted having coffee with him, in that same week. 2 days go by and we decide to meet. He’s been going on and on about how much he wants to meet me and be with me, so I’m feeling kind of curious. We met at the mall because I’m not trying to get killed by my date (you better know your Tinder dates rules!) and the first thing he does is complain about how crowded the place was and how he wanted to go somewhere more private. And that’s Red F

I wasn’t sure I wanted to write about this, mainly because I didn’t think it would be anything interesting. I’ve always been a chubby girl, all my life. But there were some times when I would put on more weight than normal and I would always start a diet or start working out. I can lose weight easily (although I know I have more to lose, so those first weeks I lose weight faster). This time, is the worst that I’ve ever been, and it was affecting me more than anytime before. I could feel it conditioning me physically, I knew it was affecting me psychologically and last week I decided it was time to stop. I definitely have a “toxic” relationship with food. I eat my feelings, I stress eat. My body can feel hungry just after I ate, it’s really strange. I know I probably should discuss this with a psychologist and, one day, I’d love to. But for now, I feel strong and hopeful enough to try and get better “on my own”. Last Saturday I went to a consultation with a good nutritionis

A couple of months ago, I was catching up with this boy that went to high school with me. We hadn’t talk properly in years, and at some point (I don’t really remember what the topic of the conversation was) he “confessed” to me that, during an internship he did, he started having feelings for a co-worker, who was also a boy. So, I asked him if he realized that he was gay (because he always defined himself as straight), or if he felt more like towards bisexuality. I wanted to know where is mind was, if he was okay or confused. He told me it was strange because he couldn’t see himself doing anything physical with another man, but he still couldn’t ignore the feelings he had. He just didn’t feel gay. That got me thinking: Why do we feel the need to label all our feelings? I know the human brain was built to rationalize and compartmentalize everything, that’s just how it works. It has the need to understand and “name” everything (trust me, as a scientist, I can kind of unders