Storytime: My Tinder Date From Hell

This story is fresh, because it just happened last week.

So, this guy messages me, he’s pretty cute so I reply. After 2 or 3 messages he gives me his number and tells me to call him. That was kind of forward to me because I hadn’t even formed an opinion about this person yet. We barely talked! But he sparked my interest, I took the bait and I called.

In 30 minutes, I found out about his 2 jobs, his 2 cars, his friend that died and his sexual fantasies and adventures. And I barely got a word in… Instead of labeling this as a red flag, I accepted having coffee with him, in that same week.

2 days go by and we decide to meet. He’s been going on and on about how much he wants to meet me and be with me, so I’m feeling kind of curious.

We met at the mall because I’m not trying to get killed by my date (you better know your Tinder dates rules!) and the first thing he does is complain about how crowded the place was and how he wanted to go somewhere more private. And that’s Red Flag #1. If you go on a date and the other person is bitching about no liking such public places instead of trying to get to know you, RUN.

Of course, I told him I wasn’t going and he decided he wanted something to eat. As we were walking around he started getting a bit too touchy-feely, like putting his arms around me, trying to kiss me and all that. He was cute, but the bitchiness threw me off a bit, so I wasn’t really in the mood, plus he didn’t ask for permission, he just assumed I wanted it. Red Flag #2! If your date is doing something you’re not comfortable with, don’t be afraid to smack his hand and put him in his place.

After going back and forward for a bit, he decided he wanted to go and have some drinks at the beach, maybe watch the sunset and, at the moment, anything but walking around sounded nice. We got in his car and, instead of driving away, he goes in for the kill and kisses me. Can you hear the alarms ringing? Did someone call Beyoncé? That was it for me. Red Flag #3.

I tried explaining to him that even though he was an attractive person, his actions just turned me off. He didn’t get it and kept trying to do strange stuff, so I told him to stop, because I didn’t want anything with him. He was so offended and mad at me for not wanting to even kiss him that he started arguing. At some point I thought he was bipolar, because he was mad in one minute and in the next was asking me to make out…

I asked him if all that stuff he was doing worked with any other girls and he looks me dead in the eyes and says: “It works with 40-year-old cougars with kids.” I didn’t know whether to laugh or not at this attempt of proving his worth. Like if he can please an older woman, who am I to say no to him? Pathetic.

I told him he was a crazy in the head freak, got out of the car and walked away from that parking lot as fast as I could.

On my way home, he called me 6 or 7 times and texted me telling me that if I just answer the phone he would be out of my life forever. I didn’t answer the phone and he still got out of my life because I blocked him everywhere!

Watch out for psycho dates!