Long-lasting relationships - Challenges

After that initial honeymoon phase where people only show you what they want you to see, comes the time where the bad and ugly come out too. It can be something meaningless that none of you can control like having different goals in life that never cross, pulling you in different directions. You start to grow apart and the relationship doesn’t make sense anymore. A clash of personalities is also something you can’t help in a relationship. The compliments and the “I love you”s make way for other conversations, your traits start getting exposed and you realize you are not that compatible.

Then a year or so goes by, the magic and the excitement fade a bit, the spontaneity isn’t as common, and you don’t even notice it for a while. The routine settles in, slowly but surely. And when you realize it, it’s been another year where most of the time you did nothing fulfilling with each other, and the worst is that you didn’t care either.

In a different turn of events, you decide to live together. You’re so excited to move in, have a place all to yourselves where you can kiss and cuddle all the time, spend all night talking about your dreams and aspirations, surprise each other with little things like romantic dinners and cute cards… But then, nothing happens. Your expectations don’t meet the reality. Your schedules don’t match, you’re always tired and the worst part is you’re expected to do everything when you get home. Oh yeah, you have a selfish partner now. Doesn’t want to cook, doesn’t want to clean, doesn’t want to do anything. And what are you supposed to do? Move out? Break up? But you just moved in together! So, you decide to suck it up. Maybe the person will change… Newsflash: They don’t.

You’re in a tough place: you lost a family member, you had a fallout with your best friend, your pet is missing… You go to the one you love the most for some comfort and instead get a cold shoulder. Your partner is not that good at supporting you, but you had no way to know that before. So, what do you do? Do you leave him? That seems too harsh, instead you go and cry in your room, alone. Hurts.

It’s ladies night! You want to go out with your friends, you haven’t seen them in so long! You go to tell your partner you’re out the door and instead of a “Have fun, dear!” you’re met with “Where are you going?”, “Who are you going with?”, “Dressed like that?”, “Why do you have to go?”, “When are you coming back?”, “Why can’t I go with you?”, “I bet you’re going out with a guy!”… And the list goes on. You never knew how jealous and possessive your partner was! Could it be a one-time thing, since you haven’t been out on your own in such a long time? Oh, no. It gets worse.

He doesn’t call you baby anymore, he doesn’t kiss you before going to work anymore, he doesn’t hug when he comes home anymore. You barely talk. Going out is just a waste of money and time for him, and he’d rather play videogames instead of watching a movie with you. He knows you’ll never leave him. He’s taken you for granted. And trust me, that’s a hard place to come back from…

You notice little strange things. He hides his phone from you, takes calls in different rooms, starts coming home late. Could he be working on a surprise for you? You decide to ask him about it and he gets nervous. So nervous that he starts arguing. The arguing doesn’t stop and he starts accusing you of doing the things he’s doing. A few days go by and you find out he’s cheating on you. Do you forgive and forget? Or is this game over?

The worst is done.